Well folks, it's begun. I've made my first purchases of baby things, namely: some tiny onesies and a crib. We finally got the room cleared out that will be the nursery (a word I kind of hate? So I've been calling it our bebe den). Now that it's a blank slate, I can finally start making it into the baby's room.
Some days I still look in the mirror and think this is all some crazy dream and I'll wake up back in Tacoma in our little house, sans bump, shake my head and be like, "whoa, that was some crazy shit," and go about my day. It's still bizarre to me that we are here in Anchorage, I'm in my 3rd trimester with a child that will come out and be all mine to take care of in 12 weeks. In a way, I'm glad that it shook everything up. I know I was getting restless in Tacoma and was Jonesin' for something new. We had planned on moving into the Brave and living a mobile life, but honestly, it was really difficult to move out of our house and without the push of needing to move to Anchorage, I'm not sure it ever would've actually happened. It was just such a cozy house, we were so comfortable. Even though I wanted something new, something different, change, I'm not sure it could've actually happened without something pushing us to make the move the way this pregnancy did.
I don't feel married to Anchorage the way that I thought maybe I would be, moving back to my hometown. I have a lot of cognitive dissonance about Anchorage. Growing up here it was the best place ever and I loved it. I loved coming back for visits over the years I've lived in Washington. But now living here its sort of pulled back the veil and I'm not quite as in love with it as I was. It's like how you idealize an ex, then you date someone that matches you way better, and then you meet that old ex again and realize how they really aren't as great as your idealized memories. I don't know if we'll end up staying here. Part of me feels like maybe not, maybe this is just an intermediary place. But I don't know where we'll end up. I like Alaska, I like the Northwest. I want to be near family. Sitka has been in the back of my mind as a potential home. I like the idea of my kids growing up in a town like that.
But of course, all that is speculation right now and I really don't care to think about it all that much until next year, after the baby comes and we are ready to even begin thinking about what's next for us.
