city of the crosses

I am feeling odd. Half happy and good, and half failure. I think I attribute too much of my personal success or failure to this blog, and it's hard not to considering how much time I spend on it. It's odd because sometimes I wonder what I would do if I didn't blog. It consumes a lot of my time. I love doing it, though, so maybe I that's why I don't notice. Plus, the past year of my life has been pretty much relationship-less, other than my family. I'm amazed at bloggers who can have successful blogs AND maintain great interpersonal relationships. Perhaps it's just because I'm a terrible multitasker in pretty much all walks of life. I've got a one track mind, and I'm trying to get better at handling more than one thing at a time, but I know I'm terrible at it.

Okay, maybe the ratio is more like 75-80% happy and only 20-25% failure. No need to be overly dramatic, haha. But still. I expect a lot out of myself, and so when I feel like my blog is doing poorly, or sponsorships don't come, I feel as if I personally have failed in some way. Le sigh. Do any other bloggers feel this way? I feel ridiculous, somewhat, because this blog has gone so much further than I ever imagined and I am so incredibly thankful for all the readers and sponsors who support it every day.

dress/thrifted :: top/tucker for target :: shoes/market publique

I think maybe I need a "real job" or some outward pursuit beyond the blog to give me that feeling of accomplishment. This trip has been that for me since I quit my job in Alaska, but at the end of this trip I'm pretty excited to get (or at least try to get) a new job in a new place. I have no clue what that job is going to be! Sometimes I think it makes sense to try my hand at doing wedding photography or senior portraits, since I take pictures everyday for the blog, but then that kind of stresses me out because I objectively have very little knowledge of photography. I've got an old DSLR with a scratched lens and a tripod that is broken and will only take horizontal pictures. I'm no pro. I run a jerry-rigged operation up in here. Also... I know no one who is getting married or who is a senior in high school. Hm. Uh, anyone getting married or graduating high school? Haha.

Well, anyway, here's that dress I cut the sleeves off of. Better? I like it better. This outfit feels very Peggy Olsen to me. I need to have a heart to heart with my closet because for some reason I keep putting on Peggy Olsen outfits and I don't feel like my aesthetic is Peggy Olsen. I'm having a problem calibrating my personal style. What I put on lately doesn't really describe me as well as it should. Hm. Personal style mid-life crisis? Maybe I need another David Lee Roth phase to jolt me out of my rut.