abby + ricky's monte cristo ballroom wedding

Abby and Ricky's Monte Cristo Ballroom wedding was so sweet, fun, and elegant.  The venue was amazing, Abby's dress was like a fairy princess gown, and everyone was so stoked to be celebrating these two's union!  It's always a pleasure to be a part of a celebration where you can tell the whole room is in total support of their marriage.  Being the photographer means I get to spend pretty much the whole day by the side of the couple and with couples like Abby and Ricky, it makes my day so easy and fun. I absolutely am in love with the images we created on their special day.  Click here to see more from their stunning ballroom wedding over on the Studio Blog!

finding the wild

Yesterday I watched Marie Forleo's recent interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, and whoa, it hit me hard.  Not in a bad way, just in a, "damn, yup" way.  This summer was a lot about trying to feed my creativity and pursue authenticity in what I make.  While Dan was gone for two months I decided to use my alone time to dig in and feed myself creatively in a way that is much harder to do when you're with another person every day.  I wanted to dig down to the core of my heart and so I thought back to what I was like as a young girl.  What did I love, where did I want to go, what was I drawn to?  The answer was always: the wild.  I wanted to be running in the woods, getting dirty, smelling like trees, finding new places, reveling in the beauty of nature. I decided to make a pilgrimage and go solo camping one day, so I hopped in the car with my tent, sleeping bag, cameras, and Dusty and headed west.  Back in 2009 my mom, brothers, and I had gone on a two week RV trip around the Olympic Peninsula.  On our last day before heading back home, my mom decided that she wanted to go to the westernmost point in the contiguous US and so she got up early and drove to Neah Bay before we got up.  It seemed like a worthy spot to make my pilgrimage to, so I set my sights on the farthest spot I could go in the contiguous US: Cape Flattery.  I wanted to watch the sun slide slowly down the sky into the Pacific Ocean from the edge of the cliff.  I wanted to feel the ocean air on my skin.  

Something my best friend talked with me about early in the summer was how as women, the feeling of air moving across our bare chest is so foreign.  Men take their shirts off all the time, feel air moving across their bodies and chests so freely, but women aren't able to so freely experience this, and it's a powerful sensation to be able to feel the wind on skin that is so often locked down and covered up.  When I first got to the point there were four other people there, but after they left I snuck a topless couple minutes, just me and the ocean.  It's so odd to me that the feeling of air across my topless body is something that is so incredibly rare compared to men.

One of the couples that was at the point right when I arrived had brought a bottle of pink champagne, but couldn't finish it before hiking back, so they asked if I wanted to polish it off, and I happily obliged.  A pink champagne toast seemed like the perfect way to celebrate a small pilgrimage.

Elizabeth Gilbert's message really resonated with me in the interview.  She talked a lot about fear and how we let it keep us from going for what we want.  And also the lie that if we face the fear and take that leap that everything will turn out wonderfully.  Sometimes we take the leap and fall on our faces, but it's about getting back up.  She talked about perfectionism being the worst form of fear because it makes us believe that something isn't worth doing or completing unless it's just right.  Which is total bullshit.  And the fear that we can't do a thing because it's already been done.  Everything has already been done.  What's important is authenticity.  So what if it's already been done, you haven't done it.  I don't do so much because I'm afraid my ventures will just be huge flops.  I have an idea for a photo retreat I want to create and I'm crippled by fear because I've never done it before, and what if no one signs up, what if people sign up and come and are totally disappointed, what if, what if, what if.  Come on.  Get in the damn car, drive to the end of the earth, strip your shirt off and tell your fear to eat shit and take the back seat because you've got stuff to do, yo.  
Maybe I'll fall on my face.  Maybe I'll disappoint people.  Maybe it will be a huge flop.  But at least I saw a dream through to completion.  At least I took a thing that only existed in my brain and brought it to life and made it a real thing, not just an idea.  And I can learn from the flop, I can make my next endeavor better because I learned from my mistakes.  I can see how I could do it better next time.  Us perfectionists expect to come out of the gate doing our best work and that's simply not true.  While we're stuck thinking about how our idea could be the best, there are people out there already doing stuff we want to do and maybe they aren't doing it as good as we think we could, but they're doing it.  They're doing the thing, and you're just sitting there.  Thinking.  Dreaming.  Wishing.  Hoping.  Scheming.  Ugh, I'm so done with dreaming.  I want to graduate from dreaming and move on to doing.  Dreaming is for people who sleep, and I'm ready to be awake, moving, shaking, making. stuff. happen.  

sitka on film

Eating at the Bayview Pub every day.  Coffee at the Backdoor.  Reading books.  Kayaking.  Looking at sea creatures. Wandering docks.  Watching local burlesque.  Breathing the best air.  Being with the best human.  More of this please.

jon + susan's seattle city hall elopement

Back in July I got to shoot the wedding ceremony of these two cuties!  It was a blistering hot day in Seattle, and we braved the heat for a few shots out on the rooftop of the Municipal Court, which had the most incredible views of the Seattle skyline.  It was a short and sweet ceremony and my very first courthouse wedding!  Head over to the Studio blog to see more from their day!

crusty old used condoms

My last outfit post was when I had green hair!  I haven't had the green since June so that's probably the longest I've gone without an outfit post, well, since I started blogging in '08.  Whoa.  I stopped because I didn't feel like taking outfit photos any more, and I don't really feel like taking them anymore still.  The light was beautiful this evening, I wanted to scout some spots for my upcoming Mini Sessions, and take Dusty for a walk, so I hauled out the ol' tripod again for some casual outfit pics.  
Truth be told, I've had some thoughts on outfit posts, and the fashion industry in general.  A couple years ago I made a commitment to only buy made in the USA, second hand/vintage, or ethical/sustainable/fair trade clothing.  I've done pretty well sticking to that since then.  A couple times I'd accidentally get something that didn't fit my parameters, but I tried really hard to stick to it.  It's been easier since I stopped doing outfit photos, since I don't spend a lot of time shopping anymore, but last week I had a real bad day.  And a friend asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her, you know, retail therapy.  We went to Forever 21, which was where she wanted to go, and I went in for the first time in years.  It was its old overwhelming, kind of gross self, and we wandered for about an hour.  I didn't want anything, but then, oh man, there were these two things, man.  And I bought them.   And a week before that, I bought two pairs of sweats from Target because I was tired of thrifting and not being able to find sweats that actually fit me and didn't look like old mom sweats.   And then I watched The True Cost.  Which, actually, plenty of you had suggested to me back when I first posted about wanting to shift the way I buy clothing, but I never got around to watching it, or it wasn't on Netflix at the time.  For whatever reason it took me like two years to actually get to watching it.  I was in a Documentary mood and was scrolling through Netflix and there it was.  I had just finished watching Human and so I was primed for something like The True Cost, so I popped it on. 




About halfway through I was sobbing alone in my kitchen.  I was sobbing for the kids that are being destroyed by pesticides used to grow cotton in the Punjab, for the moms stuck working in the sweatshops for pennies a day, for the planet that is crumbling under the weight of an industry that is crippling the ecosystem and global economy.  It's madness.  
And I realized that the logical end to my commitment to only buying ethically created clothing was to not do outfit posts any more.  Because what started as something that I did in order to be inspired, to explore my own personal style, and to connect with other people whose style inspired me, has become just another way to fuel this consume consume consume mentality.  Comment sections are loaded with "where did you get XYX?!" questions.  You make your money blogging off of affiliate sales, so when people buy from your link, you make money.  Brands want their clothes on you so that people see them and want them and buy them.  It makes me feel like I'm a part of this vicious cycle that is destroying so much of humanity and the earth.  I think bloggers started putting outfit details in their posts so that they wouldn't have to keep answering the questions about where they got each item in each post.  It makes sense.  People actually get frustrated when you tell them an item is thrifted or vintage because they can't just go buy it.  It's a little sad because I remember back when I started blogging and I'd see outfit posts that would inspire me and I'd go to the thrift store and see what I could get that would give me a similar look.  As blogging caught the eye of brands, it began to shift.  And my blog began to shift.  Brands and shops wanted to give me credit to use to buy clothing so their clothes would be in my outfit posts.  And I loved their clothing, so duh, of course, yeah!  And we all started doing that.  So blogging began shifting from what it was for me when I started.  It started to make me a bit of income, and hell, that's cool.  Doing something awesome and creative everyday and it starts to make and income?  Yeah man, I'm for it!



I think I still like outfit posts.  I'm not as into them as I was, but I still like the creativity of putting together an outfit, something that makes me feel awesome, and is an outlet for my artistic side in a practical daily way.  But I want them to be different.  I want them to be on my terms.  I think that might mean not posting outfit details any more.  Since I don't get sent items anymore I don't have any obligation to post anything for brands.  Actually, the last things I've been sent are in this post, so the hat is from Moorea Seal (who I don't have any qualms with supporting, actually go get her book, it's amazing), and the boots are Cat Footwear.

I want blogging to be inspiration based, not consumption based.  Stuff like Pinterest and blogging started as such an amazing thing for inspiration, and it's turned into want-spiration.  We feel lesser than other people who have the things we want.  We want lives like them, things like them, clothes like them, houses like them, relationships like them.  It's stupid and unhealthy.  Blogs don't have to be that way, but it takes effort on both the part of the blogger and the blog reader to be intentional about their roles in the blogosphere.  For instance, this photo location is one of my favorites, but it's just a weird little park in the middle of Central Tacoma.  One time I was in fear for my life a little bit here when I took outfit photos and a very not-all-there homeless woman followed me around for a while.  And today there were a couple teenage girls hanging out about 30 yards from me smoking, and I nearly sat on a crusty old used condom.  Movie magic, people, movie magic.  Find beauty where you are, even if there is a crusty old condom there.  And recognize that other people's lives may look magical, but there are definitely crusty old condoms just out of frame.  It's a metaphor.  Work with me.